Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A week with Weinman (an outsiders view)

One of the last weeks I was in Tahoe, my buddy drew from Georgia Tech came out to visit and brought his friend Justin.  Now somehow Justin knew me, and I supposedly knew of this fine human being, but the details of us knowing each other are highly debatable.  One thing for sure is that had we ever met previously, large quantities of alcohol were involved.

He wrote up quite a nice trip report of the week at our place so without much further adieu, I'm simply going to copy/past it here for everyone's enjoyment.  Although I would like to confirm that I was indeed texting someone with a vagina (this'll make sense soon enough).

In the spirit of na na na boo boo, stick your head in doo doo... here's a trip summary from lake tahoe (3/13-3/18/2011)
Had a blast on this trip. highlights below:


sunday morning (3/13/2011) we went to lake lanier at sunrise with our buddy Doug Wilks. I didn't bring my wetsuit - mistake. it's fucking cold. Air temp was 32, water temp was 50F. We couldn't decide who was going to go in first, and drew lost the worst game of rick paper scissors ever. He hops in:

I give him massive amounts of hell. It couldn't be that cold.  Drew makes a few passes and attempts the backroll and wipes out.

my turn! I hop in and realize that my penis instantly went from an outie to an innie. shit!
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lake was beautiful. doug calls us certifiably crazy (hey, no argues there)

got to catch the sunrise that morning:
http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/198916_745631521419_12809001_39618006_6364223_n.jpg

we can scratch that off our bucket list: wakeboard and snowboard in the same day. although next time I'd like to snowboard behind a boat and wakeboard down the mountain.. this will probably happen next year. might look a little funny putting a wakeboard on at the top of a double black run..

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that night we went out with our friends/guys we are staying with. they're professional poker players, however weinmann has an ME degree from tech and just slums around playing poker. dmitri is from switzerland and came over for a tournament in vegas. I think we had something like $15k in cash on us. weinman just won a tournament in vegas and felt like walking around with a massive wad of hundreds:

http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/189237_744877981519_12809001_39610191_7148991_n.jpg

Dinner was at the montbleu hotel. shitty casino, but really nice restaurant. We rolled in dressed like bums and were treated accordingly until we started ordering food:

appetizers: seared tuna, bison carpacio, raw oysters
http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/200402_745020341229_12809001_39612355_153598_n.jpg

main course:
elk chops, roasted duck, sea bass, lobster / fillet. not pictures is the massive amounts of lobster bisque and crab cakes we also ordered
http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/189248_745020416079_12809001_39612357_2760900_n.jpg

noms. we ate and drank and attempted to be merry... until the maitre d' politely asked weinman if "he could check his hat."  I laughed my ass off.  We paid and rolled out to the casino floor.
One thing you learn about professional poker players is that they really fucking hate casinos. table games suck, and if there is no real money in it then it's mostly boring. The motto of the week was "anything under $1,000 is free"

To make things interesting, all week long random side bets were being placed with minimum bets of $100. They go from the outrageous to the mundane.. 

For the shit of it, we decided to play craps. drew had never been in a casino, and we thought virgin shooters would be awesome. wrong. weinmann drops $1,000 on the pass line and drew immediately craps out. ahahahaha. I laughed my ass off. we walk away about $2500 poorer. 

we got drunker and drunker as the night went on. ended up drunk playing a quarter horse racing game and yelling at some people. I think we had to bribe some people to give up their seats - no idea what their price was though... our cocktail waitress is laughing her ass off at us the entire time (as we all try to drunkenly hit on her). The horse racing game turned out to be fantastic - think betting 25 cents at a time on random electronic horses, all the while smashing buttons and yelling loudly at the other participants (and the fake horses, as if their fake plastic jockey ears could hear us jeering them on). We made $.25 side bets (the white horse will always finish last in the next five races.. because hey? it's a white horse)

we roll over to the poker room and decide to piss everyone off. the guys are playing a $1-2 table and we buy in at table max and just start going all in pre-flop. they are taking this shit really seriously, which we all find incredibly funny and start to egg them on. the guy next to me was absolutely pissed so we started taking his money and he mutters some shit like "this isn't real fucking poker" and "what the hell do all you young assholes do for a living?". We are obnoxiously drunk and at one point someone makes me laugh so hard I spit ice all over the poker table.   I fuck with the guy for a while and as we are standing up I tell him my two friends are professionals and just won 60k last week in vegas at a tournament. haha - he was pretty unamused and looked pretty pissed off at this point. Losses totaled $3,000 for the group.

We stumble back over to the horse racing game and drain about $100 each into it. At this point we are shit housed. This is where things start getting blurry and extremely entertaining. Our waitress is fairly attractive (and gets more so as the night goes on)
A creepy white knight casino patron comes over and starts talking shit. Apparently that is HIS waitress and does not take kindly to her laughing at our charm, wit, and hilarious jokes all night long. He is late 20s, early 30s and reeks of douchebag - seriously the guy could have been the CEO and Chairman of Summer's Eve (I'm not only the president, I'm a user). Total asshole.

He saunters over and says some stupid things (I have no idea what) and orders a few shots of vodka.. as he leaves our waitress informs us of the guy's level of douchebagness and we all agree. Weinman offers to pay her $300 just to bring the guy shots of water. She laughs, but declines citing her need of employment. We up the offer to $500... small price to pay to see this guy's soul get crushed. She politely declines again but does offer to bring us another drink.

I'm in a fighting mood and casually tell dmitri I will punch the guy in the face as hard as I can for $200. Dmitri laughs and pulls a wad of 100s out of his pocket. shit, you can't bluff a poker player! we decide not to because of the potential loss of that amazing lobster bisque we had.

It's snowing hard outside. None of the cabs will take us home (staying at the top of the mountain). Apparently, it has never snowed in tahoe before and the cabs are set up to deal with this. We decide to drink more, and the poker room dealer offers to sell us his car for $750. We whip out the cash but he decides not to - oh well. We stumble around in the snow and find a 4WD ASTRO VAN TAXI. OUR SAVIOR.

end of night one.

Monday morning we wake up hungover and tired. time to go skiing! We're hiking down the hill to catch the shuttle when the most awesome guy ever rolls up and offers us a ride down to the mountain. score!

it dumped about 9" of snow the night before and conditions were perfect. We go bombing through the woods and tear up the fresh stuff.

http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/198584_745853621329_12809001_39621469_1941380_n.jpg

we explore the mountain and find cool ass signs:
http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/197368_745060675399_12809001_39612829_2753245_n.jpg
YOU CAN DIE. WOOT. I always wanted to tragically die young, james dean style.

The skiing over the next few days was largely uneventful.  Dinner on tuesday night, however was awesome. We decide to sushi it up (to the tune of $400)

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after:
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not pictured: 12 beers and 2 bottles of sake. oh and the disgusted look on everyone's faces when we started doing sake bombs in the restaurant and generally being assholes (nothing new there).

so remember our friends that always have to gamble on something? let me introduce you to the concept of credit card roulette. big expensive dinner? check. habitual bored gamblers? check.
there are two ways to settle paying that pesky check:
1) put all your cards in a hat (aforementioned hat that was checked at montbleu)..pull them out one by one. last one out pays. we all play and speedel gets the bill! sucks for you buddy - free dinner was had by the rest.
2) approach random strangers in the restaurant and have them pick a card from the stack. this card pays.
I feel pretty confident this game will be played at a local irish bar near you

Wednesday rolls around. just drew and I awake from our slumber to ski. On the first chair up, we meet a nice middle aged woman (hello Liz!) who introduces us to the concept of an on mountain pub crawl. HOW THE FUCK DID WE NOT THINK OF THIS. ugh, it made me feel like such an amateur. tomorrow is st patty's, so what a better time to get this a shot?

Thursday rolls around and we scheme up a drunken game plan - john madden style with the Xs, Os and all his batshit squiggly lines on a trail map. "you see john, you've got to get the liquor... in my blood stream! to kill my brain cells!"  fuck you john madden.

We're one of the first lifts up and decide to hit the east peak lodge. hell, we weren't even sure if they were open but sure enough the bar was!  the plan is to hit 8 bars in 7 hours and have a different drink at each bar. easy enough. I will admit, I was slightly worried about being so inebriated I might attempt double back flips in the terrain park.  We took pictures at each bar and had the bartender sign our trail map for future framing. Might as well have something interesting to tell the nurses when you're shitting your pants in your "golden years"

Bar 1: east peak
drink: irish coffee (hey, it was early...)
http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/199589_10150102749232735_512467734_6835692_3002445_n.jpg

Bar 2: tamarack lodge
drink: jack and coke (thanks corey)
http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/196668_10150102769747735_512467734_6835876_487648_n.jpg

Bar 3: skydeck
drink: coors light :| (bar wasn't technically open)
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/196618_10150102788337735_512467734_6836031_1143117_n.jpg

Bar 4: snow beach
drink: justin: crown and diet, drew: peppermint schnapps (100 proof) with hot cocoa
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Bar 5: california lodge
drink: GUINNESS
http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/188322_10150102846787735_512467734_6836512_6979438_n.jpg
the bear is riding jagermeister skis. fucking awesome.

Bar 6: lakeview lodge
drink: sierra nevada pale ale
http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/200707_10150103052007735_512467734_6837942_6220841_n.jpg

We eat a quick bite of lunch and decide to go bomb double black bowls after six drinks. rule #76, play like a champion.

Bar 7: boulder lodge
drink: vodka tonic, gin tonic
http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/188853_10150103052317735_512467734_6837952_7180537_n.jpg


Bar 8: stagecoach lodge
drink: 6 irish car bombs w/ natalie
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it was tame. the actual on mountain section was fairly easy, but everyone kept telling us to "stay safe".  pfft. amateurs. sober @ bar eight, so we decided to get drunk on car bombs - after all it was St. Amateurs day!

after stumbling home we suited up for dinner. we decided on the chart house. we had the usual fare: squid, oysters, crab stuffed mushrooms, sea bass, ahi tuna, swordfish, lobster, mahi, prime rib, etc. food was uneventful in my opinion.. mushrooms were good but most everything else was just kind of meh.

speedle was on a mission to get drunk and the drink of choice was jager. europeans (other than the germans) pronounce this pretty funny.. with a hard J. nothing like pounding jager in a swanky restaurant to continue the asshole and uncouth streak. weinman and dmitri were doing their usual side bets, $100 minimum if you please.  weinman had been texting some girl (or possibly a dude, I won't ask) back in atlanta.  the time read 32 after the hour.

"Dmitri, $100 (in US DEEZ) this girl texts me back before quarter till"

"You're on"

in anticipation, we decide to do more shots. this place reminded me of the ritz inside - the kind of restaurant where they take themselves way too seriously for what it is. class issues aside, we decide on some royal flushes.

the water returns a few short minutes later without our drinks.  "sir, um, the bartender doesn't know what that is", he stammers.
begrudgindly, we explain to him the make-up of our drink.

14 minutes later weinman's phone blows up. a slow grin passes over his face as he saunters over to the bar and an annoyed dmitri. I spy a fresh benjamin exchange between the two. obviously, weinman's boyfriend had texted him back.

six shots later, we stammer out of the restaurant.

at this point, the night gets a little fuzzy. we're feeling good and decide to head down to the local shit hole irish bar in town. you know, for authenticity sake. crowded as expected. we push our way to the bar and order some drinks. let me try and reiterate how shit housed speedle is at this point. that little portugese bastard can NOT hold his liquor - and he turns into a violent drunk.

that being said, the next five minutes at the bar was the strangest bartender to drunk-asshole-patron I have ever encountered.
Speedle doesn't know what to order, and because of his intoxication level starts yammering in portugese. I can't help but giggle like a schoolgirl studying penises on the first day in biology class. The bartender looks at me, and I almost believed that looks could kill.

'What the fuck is his problem?", she glaringly asks me.

"He's european", obviously thinking I am the funniest man on the planet at that time.
"Well, does he need something? It's fucking packed in here"
"Yeah, two shots of Jager.. and he's buying"
"Does he have any money?"

Suprisingly, speedle manages to catch this request and whips out a stack of hundreds. I estimate it to be around $2,000 USDEEZ.
The bartender grabs his wad and tells him to "put that shit up before you get fucking rolled in here, you eurotard". I laugh uncontrollably. Something about this exchange was so bizarre I couldn't keep it in. She returns with two shots. Speedle leers at the blonde next to me and "orders" her a drink.
Apparently in portugal they order drinks different than the states. Speedle throws a $100 bill at her. Maybe he thought she was a prostitute (that's an entirely different story...), or just had no physical ability to order her a drink.  Needless to say, she was pissed and threw his money back at him.

I throw back both shots and hustle him out the door. "We need to go, before speedle gets us kicked out."
Naturally, he is calling us all sorts of names in a usual violent drunk manor. We chug out drinks and head out into the street.

The geographic layout of the state of Nevada is quite interesting. Western states are deceiving. They're big. Really fucking big. I had planned on driving to Vegas and meeting some Navy buddies there, until I looked at a map. It's a ten hour drive through state highways and my five minutes of googling yielded me one word: "fly, dumbass."

The closest real airport (and city) to tahoe is Reno. Everyone flies into there. And in case you didn't know, some of the surrounding counties have legalized prostitution. You may have heard of one such institution (made famous by a TV special): THE BUNNY RANCH.

At 11:30pm on March 14th while blackout drunk, Mario Rui (aka Speedle) decided that come herpes or high water... well he was going to fuck a prostitute that night. We scoffed at him. He scoffed at us. Mutual scoffings were had. We called his bluff.

He climbed into a $200 cab ride (one way) to reno to accomplish this task, all the while with us yelling things like "hope you don't pay all that money for an expensive case of whiskey dick!", and "want to take the GO Pro camera to film your sexcapades?!"

He called us assholes and left in the cab. We returned to our cabin around 1am and decided to get shithoused drunk.
At 6am we hear a rumbling downstairs. Speedle comes staggering up. His pants are half off and he looks like a portugese hobo.

"you guys are a bunch of fucking assholes!"
he stumbles off to his room and slams the door. we burst into laughter and pass out.
The next day we find out speedle took a cab out to the bunny ranch. He was so drunk and belligerent they wouldn't even let him in (yes, to nail a prostitute). He sat on the curb for an hour and eventually took a cab back home.

/end tahoe trip

ENTER WEINMAN AGAIN

On another interesting note a bunch of stuff has happened with the US Governement and Online Poker.  I'll cover this a bunch in my next post which should  be up before I head off to Europe on Monday.  But the bottom line is I'll likely be a Canadian in about 1 month's time, eh?